Who Is PM and Why He “Controls” the Bitcoin Market

Who Is PM and Why He “Controls” the Bitcoin Market

(Disclaimer: This is a joke. Everything below is satire.)

If you’ve ever watched Bitcoin move 3% in 30 seconds and thought, “There is absolutely no way this is natural,” then congratulations: you have felt the presence of PM.

PM is not a person.

PM is not a hedge fund.

PM is not a government.

PM is a mythical being that crypto traders blame when the market does the exact opposite of what they predicted.

Bought the top? PM did it.

Sold the bottom? PM forced you.

Perfect TA setup invalidated in 2 minutes? PM pressed the red button.

PM is the unseen hand behind:

Sudden dumps at all-time highs

Fake breakouts at 3 AM

Liquidations that feel personally targeted

Candles that ignore all support and resistance

According to legend, PM has:

A Bloomberg terminal in one hand

A “Liquidate Retail” button in the other

A sense of humor darker than the BTC 1-minute chart

How PM “Controls” Bitcoin

He waits for confidence

The moment you think “this one is safe,” PM wakes up.

He targets leverage

Not your spot holdings. Not your long-term investments.

Only the position you sized too big.

He creates fake hope

A small pump so you don’t close.

Then the real move begins.

He respects no indicators

RSI, MACD, VWAP, Fibonacci, astrology…

PM trades against all of them.

Why Traders Believe in PM

Because it feels personal.

The market doesn’t just go against you.

It waits until you are emotionally invested.

That’s when PM strikes.

PM is basically:

The emotional embodiment of market randomness

A coping mechanism for losses

The unofficial god of stop-loss hunting

Final Truth

PM does not exist.

Bitcoin is controlled by liquidity, algorithms, market makers, fear, greed, and macroeconomics.

But blaming PM is:

Fun

Therapeutic

Much better than blaming yourself

So next time your trade fails, don’t panic.

Just whisper:

“PM… I see you.”

And move on.